I feel guilty all the time. I know...I KNOW that lots of other Moms do too. It is crazy, but no matter how hard I try to talk myself out of it, it rears its ugly head again and again.

I feel guilty when I spend too much time on business and not enough time with my kids, especially the Little One who is home with me most of the time. I feel guilty when I spend too much time playing with him and not enough time building business, because I really want it to succeed.

I did pretty good with last week's challenge of being on time. Not sure it was less stressful, but I was more organized and felt better getting places in plenty of time. I am going to try and keep that one up.

This week's challenge is to get back into walking. I was walking for exercise 2-3 times a week all through the Fall. Then, some things happened...snow...cold...school holidays...sick husband. Despite my best intentions come January, I have not hopped back on the walking wagon. (The walking wagon? That makes no sense!) Last Wednesday my husband and I went for a long walk, and I could barely make it home, I was so tired.

Walking is my primary source of cardio exercise, as I pretty much can't stand most other forms. I rely heavily on my walking buddies to make sure I go, and when they suggest we skip it, I am easily swayed. It is time to re-commit to walking at least twice a week. I will walk, and I will bully convince my friends to walk, too.

I started today, with an easy walk of 2 kilometers. Gotta start somewhere.

1) Yesterday was pajama day at preschool. It took a lot of explaining to get The Little One to leave the house in his pajamas. After all, we have worked hard to convince the kids that they do, in fact, have to get dressed when we go somewhere. First question asked every Sunday morning..."Mom, are we going anywhere today?" meaning..."Mom, I don't have to get dressed, do I? I can stay in my pajamas all day, right?" And yet, when allowed to stay in pajamas all day, The Little One was not so keen.

2) One of my very best friends had a baby on Tuesday. Yay! I find the arrival of new babies so exciting...and stressful! When you know that someone you care about has started the process of delivering a new life, and there are so many variables, and you are a worrier, and you just have to wait around to find out that everything is okay. Yikes! Anyway, clearly it was not about me, and I am just so glad everything went well for them.

3) Speaking of worrying, our two 10 year olds, along with two other 10 year olds, were stranded at a junior high school the other night after their indoor soccer practice. Another Mom was supposed to pick them up, but a miscommunication followed by a series of complicated circumstances left the four of them waiting outside the school for over an hour. They were cold, tired and not too happy with us by the time they got home. Poor kids. I guess that is a story we will be hearing, every time they are unhappy with us, for the rest of our lives.

4) This is taking me waaaay more than five minutes.

5) Today is my Dad's birthday. He is 71 years old. The Little One and I are going to take him out for lunch. My Dad has a great sense of humour, he is generous to a fault, and he has a strong family bond. I get these traits from him. Thanks for those, and for all you do for us, Dad. Thanks for being.

I used to be early for everything. I would leave in plenty of time, I would arrange my day around being early, I would arrive before anyone else. This was, of course, before I was married and had children, when I controlled my out-the-door time. And to be honest, I didn't really like being early, because I am kind of shy and don't like being the first person at a party, or sitting by myself waiting for people, or sitting in silence waiting for things to begin. And so, over time, I have changed from the "early arriver" to the "barely on timer" to the "annoyingly late comer." It is now a problem.

The Little One is late for preschool almost every day. Okay, let's be honest. He is late every day. The Older Boys just barely make it to school on time, after lots of making lunch/getting dressed/brushing teeth/loading backpack kerfuffle in the morning. I have been late picking up soccer players for practice, I am frequently late to doctors appointments and yoga classes. It is lucky I work at home, or I would be late for work, too.

It is a lot of work getting a family of five anywhere, never mind on time. And we have lots going on and sometimes it can be a trick to get things organized. But those can also be excuses for not trying as hard as I could to get it together...in a timely fashion.

This week's challenge is to be on time. Each time I have to be somewhere, I will plan ahead and endeavor to leave the house with time to spare, so I arrive on time.

I hoping this small change will reduce stress, improve my credibility, and maybe even help my children learn to do the same.

Anyone else perpetually late? Wanna join this week's MEB Challenge?

Five Things I Did Wrong Today

1) Put waaaay too many clothes in the washing machine.

2) Didn't find a clever way to link content from blog to facebook page to twitter to linkedin to...

3) Made myself an afternoon cup of tea and did not make my husband one.

4) Cooked second batch of muffins just a little too long. Will make my kids eat them anyway.

5) Drove 40km/hr in a 30km/hr PLAYGROUND ZONE!!!

Five Things I Am Grateful For Today

1) Front load washers are waaaaay more resilient when misused than top load washers.

2) I can always try to be clever again tomorrow.

3) Husband is understanding, and also hasn't noticed that I have tea and he doesn't.

4) Kids will eat anything with chocolate chips in it.

5) Police officer who stopped me was very, very nice and let me off with a warning, even though he had every right to feel bitter after crazy man stopped on the side of the road to yell at him for catching speeders in a PLAYGROUND ZONE!!! PS: Drove away feeling sympathy for police man and vowing to never speed in playground zone again. Little One is very helpful now, asking every minute or two "Mommy, are you going the speed limit?" ;-)

I still like Mondays, actually, after all that. The week can only get better, right?

Teaching kids about money, that is a tough one for me. You see, I am not sure I have anything to teach them. I wouldn't say I handle money well. I pay my bills (now) and minimize credit card debt (finally) and try to save a bit (a ridiculously small amount, really.) But I just don't do what everyone else does when it comes to money. RRSP's, RESP's, budgeting, planning. Not really my thing. I kind of handle finances by feel. Sort of following my instincts. That is not the right way to do it, is it? No, clearly logic should come before emotion when it comes to financial planning.

I am not working this week. And I have to say I am surprised at how hard it is to just not work. Not away from home. Not sick. Just choosing not to work. I keep opening up the website, looking at emails, searching for video. Stop it! I am not working!

Just before Christmas I read an article about how important it is to take a break from business once in a while, and come back to it refreshed, with new energy and ideas. I believe that to be true, and decided I really needed to take that break now, since the kids are all home, it is the holidays, and I am facing some particular challenges with KinderJet that make me feel like I am staring at a brick wall.

So, here I sit. Actually, the kids are all home, so here I run around cleaning up, and breaking up arguments. And building Lego creations. And planning vacations. (That is sorta work related, but not really.;-) And every time I almost open video editing software, or click on the site to make changes, or anything else, I stop myself. I know I need this time to build my strength, so I can figure out how to scale that brick wall.

I would like to wish everyone Happy Holidays. Everyone.

Celebrating Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa or Guru Gobind Singh's Birthday. Enjoy! Christian, Jewish, Buddist or Muslim. Live it up! No matter who you are, or where you are from, I want to wish you Happy Holidays.

Whether you are celebrating someone's birth, the return of the light, or just the fact you have a couple of extra, government sanctioned days off, I want to wish you Happy Holidays.

There is one more thing that comes to mind this time of year, as I look back on Christmases past. There are many people who are not celebrating. We have had some challenging holiday seasons in our family, and I know how hard it can be to feel the merriment around you, and not feel the merriment within you.

If you are facing the holidays with challenges, due to illness, financial trouble, loss of loved ones, having to work, losing a job, or being separated from those you love, know that you are not alone, we have been there. I wish you patience, strength and hope. Things will get better. Every year will not be like this one.

This is a time of giving, a time of sharing, a time of inclusion. Don't just accept your neighbors, embrace them. And have a Happy Holiday!

1) I was drinking a latte and standing around in the cold waiting for someone, when I noticed a black blob hanging in mid air. I took a closer look and saw that it was a rather stalky spider. She was about 4 feet down from the beam her web was attached to, and making her way up. Very...very...slowly. Millimeter by millimeter she made her way up, never stopping, never giving up, seemingly sure that she would make it to the top one step at a time. And you know what, she did it. This morning, I was inspired by a spider.

I have been speaking French lately. Around the house. To my kids, who have just started learning more French in school. To my husband, who knows how to say his name is in the classroom en francais. There is no great reason for this renewed interest in a second language, but I have decided to go with it for the sake of challenging myself.

Then...

And now...

That's what happens in 3 years? Sheesh!

I am keeping both the "then" and "now" versions on my fridge to remind me how fast they grow. In 3 more years there will be two teenagers in that picture. Yikes!

Time, time, tickin' away.

1) I have ordered Christmas presents from about seven different online stores. And as smart as I am, I have not kept track of what is coming from where. I get emails constantly about things being shipped, and the boxes of fun should start arriving this week! I love Christmas!!! (I hope I remembered everything!)

2) Things are kind of busy. Like crazy, really. Well beyond anything I usually let invade my serene schedule. Life happens and we will get through it. I am making lots of lists, and then sometimes lists of lists. On today's mini-list, I have one thing that has been falling off the bottom of all the other lists. LAUNDRY!!! Seriously, folks. No business accounting, hospital stay nor Christian holiday will ever stop the dirtying of or negate the need to wash... the clothes.

3) And dishes. The sink seems to always be full. It doesn't seem to matter how frequently I wash clothes and dishes, there are always a bunch more to do. I have respectfully asked the men in my house to stop eating and dressing. They not-so-respectfully declined. Hmph.

4) The kids are off school for two weeks for Winter Break...after Christmas. Like I said in an earlier post, I am not making any plans for activities or daycamps or anything. But I am starting to wonder what we are going to do for two weeks, besides play video games. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

5) I am really digging our new basement arrangement. It is amazing how just rearranging things a little can make a huge difference. No new furniture or walls, just moved what was there to different spots. I am not usually a fan of rearranging the furniture, but now I am thinking maybe we should try it in other rooms, too.

Did anyone get their unfinished project wrapped up a couple of weeks ago? Well, I did not. Unforeseen events lead to even greater challenges and just keeping it together has been my goal for the last two weeks. Those same events catapulted our family from the last two weeks of November right into the second week of December like a rocket.

So, here we are. Christmas is coming. Faster than I would like. Need more time. But we all know about time, don't we? This week's challenge is to get a jump on some holiday stuff. That includes deciding what absolutely needs to be done, and letting go of the perfect image of Christmas.

I have already ordered almost all our gifts online, put up the tree and taken the kids to a Christmas play. This week, I will put up lights outside, send out-of-town packages, order photos and maybe take the kids to the Holiday Train on Friday. What I am putting on the back burner is baking, winter break activity planning and (big surprise) house cleaning.

Life gets busy, sometimes crazy at this time of year. I am hoping if I get busy this week and get some things done, our family can relax a bit and enjoy the holidays without rushing around like mad.

Are there any holiday to-dos that you just don't? How do you find time for enjoying the season?

Last week was American Thanksgiving. Although I am a Canadian, I have a whole bunch to be thankful for right now. Here are five of them.

1) Family...Family...Family! Seriously, I hope you have family, like I do, that loves you with their whole heart and is there for you when you need them, without hesitation. And I hope you call on them when the need arises.

2) Friends. These people come into play when your family is as deep into the situation as you are, and you need even more support. Friends. Make lots, treat them well, never, ever take them for granted.

3) Medical Science. You can say what you want about research and life saving techniques going too far, leading to overpopulation or threatening the natural order. When it is you or your loved one who is being saved, so grateful for every minute those scientist dudes spend in the lab.

4) Good weather. There are moments when bad weather would be the thing that would send you over the edge. Thank goodness sometimes mother nature gives us a break.

5) Options. Most of us live in a world where we can make a lot of choices about how we live. I, for one, am so grateful to know I can find healthy food to eat, find a warm place to walk for exercise, and keep in touch with my loved ones.

What are you thankful for this week?

Last week's challenge went pretty well. I actually liked the psychological effect it had, as well as the physical. Parking farther away, taking stairs, taking breaks from the computer, these things made me slow down, and take a minute to realize that walking for 5 extra seconds really is not going to make me late for anything. And those 5 seconds give me a chance to breath.